I had to do some fan-art of one of my favorite lines from the Adventure Zone so far. The entire exchange between the two characters was absolutely incredible.
[image description: a realistic portrait of Merle from the chest up. He’s a pale-complexioned dwarf with white hair and a long white beard adorned with little leaves. Black tendrils streaked with bright reds, yellows, greens and blues twist up around him like flame. Written in white capital letters at the bottom of the image reads: “Kiss my ass, you sanctimonious bastard.”]
-“I GAVE YOU LIFE!” / “yeah you gave me life apparently Mom gave me D&D skills!”
-when Justin is annoyed and calls his dad “Clinton.”
-“I went to all of Travis’s wrestling matches and watched him lose every time except the ONE time I didn’t go he beat a kid with the flu.”
-when they make fun of Griffin for not being able to sleep unless he builds a pillow fort.
-“you’re my brother and I love you but [string of insults].”
-when the brothers call Clint “daddy.”
-when Justin or Travis calls Griffin “Griffy.”
-when Justin or Travis calls Griffin “Ditto.”
-“wow that’s really low!” / “is it?! is it, Griffin?! is it almost like some fucking liches of your imagination sucked the life out of me a wizard?!” / “yeah that’s like real low!”
-when Justin has Taako do some gamebreaking shit and Griffin is like “oh my God, Justiiiiiiiin!”
-*Griffin does something sinister as a DM* “I forgot ONE birthday, Griffin!”
-*Clint does something childish* “hey are we sure we’re not Dad’s dad?”
-“hey Dad, remember every Christmas when we sat around the tree near the fire, singing songs of yule and basking in each other’s love?” / “no.” / “okay I’m gonna try that again and this time you say yes to my fucking bit.”
-when Merle spins “Mind” on the wheel and the vogue elves say “if you choose to take this sacrifice, you will lose the memory of… the birth of your children” and without missing a fucking beat Clint goes “I’ll take the penalty.”
-*after the boys finish a fight in the swamp* Griffin: “Dad you look like some sort of weird shit monster-” Justin: “and your character in this game looks pretty bad too.”
-Clint, sincerely: “Travis you aren’t mad at me for not going along with your decision in the game, right?” Travis, also sincerely “Dad, I could not give two shits.”
I can’t believe this started when the McElroys made a joke podcast about being in Trolls 2 when they were high as fuck, and has ended with them not only getting in the movie, but convincing Vanity Fair to write an article about it.
It finally happened. During last night’s Ravenloft D&D game, I put on my best Rob Cantor impersonation and unleashed Actual Cannibal Shia LaBeouf on my players.
I have accomplished all I ever wished to as a Dungeon Master.
I opened the encounter almost verbatim to the song:
“You’re walking in the Svalich woods. There’s no one around, And you suspect the sun is dead. Out of the corner of your eye you spot him, Shia Labeouf!”
The players were stunned silent.
“He’s following you About 30 feet back. He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint. He’s gaining on you. And you can see there’s blood on his face! My god, there’s blood everywhere!
¯_(ツ)_/¯ 
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