Tag: bruce wayne

nightcrawllcr:

It’s kind of telling about Bruce’s character that whenever he’s put into a situation where he gets a perfect world/life e.g. alternative futures, dreamworlds, mind control, etc. it’s always focused on those around him rather than himself. Almost always his perfect world is being a normal family with the batkids, Alfred and/or with his parents alive but there’s always an emphasis on how happy they are, rather than how happy Bruce is. Also, more often than not, his perfect world will encompass a reformed or restored rogues gallery and no Joker, with Harley back as a psychiatrist, Ivy still a botanist or a gardener, Scarecrow as a professor once again, etc. Bruce wants everyone to have a happy ending, even if they don’t deserve it, and that’s the core of Batman – the compassion. 

unpretty:

unpretty:

tim drake’s snapchat is 90% him making bruce wayne do normal middle-class american things and filming the results. popular youtube compilations include the one where they’re at denny’s at two in the morning and tim keeps trying to get bruce to order a moon over my hammy just so he’ll have to say it, the one where they’re at disneyworld and bruce gets increasingly frazzled culminating in him actually physically picking up gaston for reasons no one can entirely recall, and everyone’s favorite series “bruce wayne doesn’t understand walmart”

having thought about it the best part is probably when a pranking fails because bruce has such a bizarre patchwork of knowledge/skills and it does not occur to him to hide most of it. tim puts a ghost pepper in bruce’s food but bruce just eats it like nothing is wrong. the same thing happens with the chocolate-covered crickets. it turns out bruce can lick his own elbow. bruce can lasso a runaway robot lawnmower like it’s a calf at a rodeo. whenever tim expresses shock that bruce knows how to do something he says “i did go to college, tim” as if that explains anything and it becomes a meme. whenever anyone does something fucking absurd it just gets tagged “i did go to college, tim”.

kyla my chronic illness is kicking my butt right now and i need you to deliver me with your fluffiest batfam headcanons (bonus points for illness-themed hcs)

babybird:

LETS DO THIS *cracks knuckles* 

-tim is so bad when it comes to taking his anxiety meds. so the whole family does their best to subtly put tim’s bottle of pills in places that he’ll look at and remember. they all think they’re really subtle until one day tim is just like ‘i appreciate the sentiment but please stop putting my pill bottles in the cabinet i opened it to get a coffee mug and it hit me in the face.’ 

-bruce carries around a little ‘emergency pack’ even when he’s not patrolling as batman. and one time a kid cut his hand on a piece of glass at a wayne gala and fucking Bruce Wayne: Local Dad was there with disinfectant and a pack of band-aids he pulled out from his armani suit and people are still like ‘how???’ (spoiler alert: they were in fact batman band-aids.) 

-dick will literally act like the world is ending when he’s sick. he’ll lay in bed and cough weakly and tell tim, jason, or damian ‘-cough….closer…-cough cough- come closer….’ and the whole family sighs a lot but does in fact put up with him 

-jason, on the other hand, will still do everything he normally does even if he is very, very ill. one time early patrol bruce was just going over protocol and plans and jason just passed the fuck out. just a big -thump- and he was on the ground in a gross, sweaty pile once someone managed to take his helmet off and see how awful he looked. 

-damian is a weird mix of both where he’ll think he’s ‘too good to get sick’ but one he is he’s very over dramatic and petty and thinks tim gave it to him probably. 

-tim cant get sick because the boy doesnt have a goddamn spleen. which means he always has hand sanitizer on him and ‘no dick you cannot have a sip of my water bottle thats gross’ (dick does the waterfall method and gets it all over himself because jason tips it)

reyesrobbies:

celebrity bruce headcanons just keep coming to me IM SORRY

  • doing the rounds on talk shows and appearing on graham norton only to be shown countless viral videos of dick and cass 
  • a death hoax appearing on tmz unfortunately around the time bruce ‘died’ in canon and tim having to refute it like ‘ahaha no, bruce, dead? no no these are tears of laughter no he’s okay 😦 😦 :(‘ 
  • being spotted out with hal jordan and the next day there are hundreds of headlines about bruce fucking his personal pilots 
  • to compete with competitors bruce released a batman inc app that plays like the kim kardashian game but you have to increase your hero level instead of celebrity
  • wayne industries made 100 million extra that year due to the games popularity
  • tommy elliot finds it amusing to pretend to be bruce and take ooc selfies with fans
  • no matter what anyone says about brucie wayne he donates more money to various charities and causes than any other celebrity
  • probably got offered playboy but turned it down because ‘what if someday batman loses his shirt and somebody links it to that photoshoot i did’
  • his pr made bruce get twitter to keep up with the kids and everybody expected it to be drivel but it’s actually filled with really important facts and statistic and if anything big happens in the dcu but the media ignores it bruce will tweet about it until a paper just has to pick the story up (if nobody does he calls clark or lois)
  • bruce is so protective of the women he’s dated to keep up his playboy image and if any interviewer ever tries to shame them or call them ‘sluts’ he will shut that down
  • paparazzi candids of bruce being a good dad
  • he’s a biromantic asexual and always attends pride events even though his pr tried to stop him because wayne industries stock always lowers when he does (he fired that pr shortly after)

selinakylx:

Ok but you know those paparazzi that follow celebrities around just to take ‘ugly’ no make-up photos of them when they least expect it?

Well imagine them doing it with the batfam:

  • Bruce purposefully makes himself look embarrassing to ‘keep up with the act’
  • Dick never looks bad. Like, the photographers have tried anything from catching him when he’s eating to mid-yawn but nope, that boy is gold
  • Cass always knows when they’re following her. She will never be caught unprepared and all that the photographers can catch is a well practiced poker face
  •  Damian is similar. You’ll either catch him with a blank expression or an annoyed one depending who he’s with

And then there’s Tim:

  • Tim is, like, really embarrassing??? he just walks around with his hair pulled back into some messy kind of man-bun thing and just wears old clothes. He can usually be found looking half-dead either with coffee or plowing through a bag of marshmallows. This boy is just a mess

daddybats-and-babybirds:

Teen Titans headcanon that every now and again, about once every few months, Robin gets a message from the Justice League that Batman, his father, was killed in duty. And every time, while the Titans are freaking out and sympathetic, Robin is just like nah, he’s fine. The League assures him that Batman’s sacrifice was not in vain, that he loved Robin dearly. Rob, meanwhile, is like eating nonchalantly eating waffles and all let me know when he shows back up.

And of course two days later, they get a sheepish call from the League. They have found Batman and he is very much alive, sorry to worry everyone. In the background you can hear other League members freaking out.

“I saw him get kidnapped by a Kraken and dragged under the water!”

“He crawled out of an avalanche with half a batarang and a lighter!”

“We left him. In dead space. For t w o  d a y s.”

Robin just grunts and goes back to obsessing over his casefiles. The Titans are shivering in a corner. Who is this Batman that he can survive such ordeals? How on Earth did Robin survive his partnership? As curious as they are, they hope they will never meet the Batman

bhucewayne:

Batman: They’re never afraid of you are they? Glowing green and seeping
radiation. You could break this planet in two. And yet when they see you
there struggling to hold yourself up in a doorway, they trip over each
other to help you.

Superman: You could try asking nicely.