I mean batman being the dramatic type is nice, but honestly i think gotham is just Like That™
He’ll be standing on a gargoyle because it just happens to be the best vantage point of everything, minding his own buisness and as soon as a somber thought creeps up in his mind there’s a fucking thundercrack and it starts pouring out of nowhere and everytime it happens bruce is just like “fuck yes, i love this city”
You’re a regular office worker born with the ability to “see” how dangerous a person is with a number scale of 1-10 above their heads. A toddler would be a 1, while a skilled soldier with a firearm may score a 7. Today, you notice the reserved new guy at the office measures a 10.
You decide it’s best to find out what you can about this person. Cautiously, you approach his desk. He’s a handsome man, tall, but with a disarming smile. How could such a friendly guy with such cute, dorky glasses be dangerous?
You extend your hand. “I noticed you’re new here. What’s your name?”
He shakes your hand warmly. His gaze is piercing, as if he’s looking right through you. “The name’s Clark,” he says. “So, how long have you worked for the Daily Planet?”
This one wins.
It’s been a few weeks, and one of Clark’s friends shows up. She’s pretty and all, enough muscle that she must work out. First thought would be that she should be maybe a 6.
Clark’s introducing her around. “This is my good friend, Diana, she’s in from out of town.”
You blink, and take a step back in fear. You’ve never seen an 11 before.
The day Bruce Wayne shows up for his long promised interview with Lois Lane, you can’t help it, the mug your holding drops from your fingers and sends a shock of hot coffee and ceramic shards across the floor.
Clark stops a few feet away and squints at you worriedly from behind those ridiculous glasses you’re 99% sure he doesn’t actually need, and asks tentatively, “Everything all right?”
You ignore him in favor of staring at the inky dark numerals hovering over the beaming fool gesticulating some fantastic yacht story for a gaggle of secretaries and minor columnists.
That’s it. Your gift has officially gone haywire. There is no other explanation. Because there is absolutely no way that Brucie Wayne is a 10.
At this point, you’ve seen it all. Miled manner reporters and billionaires at a 10 and a model-like woman at 11. You were really starting to doubt your power. The day you really stopped believeing in it was when Bruce Wayne came for another visit, and this time with a kid. The kid couldn’t be more than 10 years old, a bit on the short side.
He was an 8.
The day you started believing in it again was when you saw on tv the formation of something called the justice league.
There were those same numbers over superman, batman, wonder woman and robin. That’s when you put two and two together. You wonder how nobody at the daily planet noticed that Clarke was Superman with glasses. You wonder why you didn’t notice. You wonder why nobody put two and two together that Diana Prince and Wonder Woman looked exactly the same. You look in the mirror as the realization hit you and you see your own number change from a 3 to a 9.
little brain: batman overworks himself in times of emotional crisis because he’s trying to punish himself
bigger brain: no, batman overworks himself in times of emotional crisis because what makes him feel happiest is seeing other people safe, and he’s desperately trying to feel less horrible
why does anyone in Gotham even bother doing crime like you KNOW the second you leave the bank with the money you just stole Bruce Wayne is gonna be chilling on a bench on the other side of the street in his bat fursuit like “hey bitch u better not be breaking the law”
because batman never bothered attacking the roots of social problems
you know what… you’re right call him out!!
Wayne Enterprises has a jobs program for those who are fresh out of prison.
He routinely takes major villains with mental health issues to an asylum where professionals are there to help.
Or do you just read the fight scenes?
Because
Batman
Never
Bothered
Attacking
The
Roots
Of
Social
Problems
WHAT THE HELL KIND OF BATMAN HAVE YOU BEEN WATCHING?
Fake geeks, I swear to god…
The best part is that most of the lore, especially Batman: The Animated Series, gets to a point in Batman’s career when everyone asks the question of why someone would rob a bank in Gotham when they know that if they approached Batman, and coincidentally Bruce Wayne, they could get the help they needed.
That’s the whole point of Batman. Granted there have been modernized adaptations that paint him out to be nothing more than a growling, punching, antihero. But nobody ever said those adaptations were canon or even good. The original Batman comics, most of the newer comics, the Animated Series, the animated spinoffs, even the Arkham video games all operate under the lore that Batman does everything within his power to help as many villains as he can, even if it means going against cops, politicians, etc. That’s what originally made him the vigilante. He went against the social norms. He did everything that a hero shouldn’t do, not in a murderous way, but in a taking-sides way. Every other hero swoops in to save the corrupt politician from the criminal. Batman swoops in to save the criminal from the corrupt politician.
For class, we were assigned to reboot DC characters with new origins and designs. My sister and I got the Justice League as our project! We decided to tackle a Batman with Mental Illness. Featuring a rebooted Ten Eyed Man teaming up with Starro the Conqueror.
Justice League [2/2]
Last pages of our rebooted Justice League story for class! We drew all 11 pages in about one and a half weeks. This was a delightful labor of love, we cared a lot about these characters while also wanting to make them more inclusive to people 🙂 Enjoy!
why does anyone in Gotham even bother doing crime like you KNOW the second you leave the bank with the money you just stole Bruce Wayne is gonna be chilling on a bench on the other side of the street in his bat fursuit like “hey bitch u better not be breaking the law”
¯_(ツ)_/¯ 
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