Tag: bruce wayne

kenkus-delivery-service:

johnjanuarius:

tostadasheep:

A Statistics teacher in Gotham makes a graph comparing times when Bruce Wayne goes on long vacations with times Batman gets beaten up really badly by villains to illustrate to his class how correlation does not equal causation.

Well, obviously Bruce Wayne wouldn’t want to be in Gotham when Batman is in recovery and can’t protect the city. Duh!

And that’s how “The Coward Bruce Wayne” became an incredibly popular Gotham meme

My dad is currently being a jerk, so do you have any cute Bruce being a cool batdad headcanons? Thanks a lot. :3

oh-mother-of-darkness:

  • At some point Bruce decided that carrying his smaller children around is basically another form of weight-lifting (and therefore something that he should definitely do), which is convenient considering that Damian kinda likes to hang out on Bruce’s shoulders. The high ground is tactically advantageous, you know, so it’s good strategy. Also it’s really easy to kick people in the head from that height, so there’s that too.
  • Every time Bruce says something even vaguely positive about another kid, his children start in with the adoption jokes. Tim carries around a blank adoption form so he can sarcastically offer it to his dad at regular intervals. Every once in awhile, Bruce pretends he’s really considering it, just to freak them out. They’re like… reasonably sure he’s kidding, but also? They’ve been burned before.
  • Ninja: a “training” game with very simple rules: get to Bruce while he’s not expecting it, without letting him see you. Tag him and you win. Nobody has ever won Ninja, even though they’ve been playing it since Dick was little. Bruce always catches them; he won’t, however, just end the game when he does. He always waits until the laaaast possible second. He thinks it’s funny.
  • Bruce, calmly, from the couch: I really would have recommended an attack from above
  • The small child underneath the couch: NOOOOO I WAS SO CLOSE
  • Bruce, straight-faced: You sure were
  • Y’all know those Facebook games where it’s like “type @b and the first name to appear is your new dad?” The entire city of Gotham tags Bruce as their new dad. Congrats, Bruce.

prokopetz:

I don’t know why Batman keeping an arsenal of secret weapons to kill all the other members of the Justice League is played up as such a deep, dark thing. I mean, all he’s gotta do in order to justify it is say: “Okay, show of hands – is there anybody in this room who has never been cloned, mind controlled, fought an evil version of themselves from another dimension, anything like that? Anybody? Anybody at all?”

raptorific:

dcupenguin:

roscuro69:

justiceleaque:

bruce wayne answering “yes” completely honestly, non-jokingly, with a deadpan voice when the media ask him in jest if he’s batman is a mood

#and then years down the line they find out he’s batman and bruce is just like ‘i mean i never denied it’
    

#bruce
not caring enough to hide his identity has been such a staple for
batman comics but even the writers don’t realize they’re doing it

#there was this early 70s comics about a killer sending his victims batman costumes and killing them while they had them on

#so the police started suspecting one of the victims might be the real batman

#but inevitably bruce wayne gets a suit so commissioner gordon asks him if he could think of a reason the killer targeted him
         

 #and bruce just replies ‘no but the design is awful it’s nothing like the original downstairs’
     

 #while alfred is just looking straight into the panel’s camera resigned
                                               
       
   

In Gotham Adventures #35, Bruce is made part of a jury for the court case of a man that was apprehended by Batman. 

And he just fuckin. He Does That

What seems to keep his cover isn’t secrecy (though there’s plenty of it), but instead just how absolutely outrageous the idea is. Bruce Wayne?? Batman??? Puh-lease. I mean, have you seen the guy? Sure he’s a nice guy, but he’s far too busy having people run WE for him and going on pleasure cruises to be Batman. I mean, really. 

(Good thing nobody notices the cool symbolic silhouette deal he’s got going on there.)
It’s likely become something akin to the ‘Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer’ joke, (check out this post) and Bruce often just feeds it, making it even easier to get away with. It’s fucking hilarious.

Those people are gonna feel silly since anyone with eyes could see that the butts match…. I mean, the facts don’t lie

willietheplaidjacket:

deprofundisclamoadte:

deprofundisclamoadte:

wheres the fic where Clark Kent gets caught kissing Batman, and then gets hounded by the media every waking moment because “average civilian is dating Batman!!” and Clarks mourning the loss of his anonymity, meanwhile Bruce thinks its fucking hilarious, enjoy dealing w the press in both of your alter egos now, pretty boy, so Clark waits several months for the whole thing to die down before showing up as Superman to some party Bruce is attending and flying up to Bruce and going “paybacks a bitch” and just full on makes out with him in front of like a million reporters

#imagine all the criminals trying to kidnap batman’s boyfriend and clark’s struggle to look like a Normal Human Man#‘yes you have definitely stabbed me i am very stabbed right now’ (x)

Now here’s a Batman Vs Superman I’d pay to see.