everyone in fantasy novels is horny on main for elves and it’s honestly a travesty like why the hell would you want to marry an elf you’ll just spend the rest of your days growing old in the woods with a bunch of immortal bastards whose heads are so far up their asses they think singing week-long ballads is prime entertainment and say shit like “thou” and “beseech” unironically y’all should be hooking up with dwarves who 1. actually know how to throw the fuck down and let loose at a party 2. will literally shower you in diamond dust and gold they mined and crafted with their bare hands and 3. can sling you over their shoulder like a sack of potatoes with their huge muscular arms developed from hours of said mining and crafting. there’s literally no contest.
like i know there are a lot of fics out there where other vulcans are all “oh man, jim kirk’s so freakin HOT how’d spock get in his pants” but IF ANYTHING it’s actually the reverse. spock shows up on vulcan one day with Jim on his arm and all the other vulcans are OUTRAGED. They’ve spent years mooning (logically) over spock’s flaxen bowl cut. his dark eyes. his slightly lax emotional control that gives him just a hint of the “bad boy” vibe that we all know vulcans secretly go wild for. Sarek receives like a thousand bonding proposals a year from VSA graduates who all have google alerts set to notify them when spock gets a new xeniobiology article published. and then they find out. that the object of their (totally logical) affections. had the equivalent of a las vegas wedding with the human captain of his starfleet ship while in the middle of a five year mission. vulcans may be too logical to riot but on that day, a good many vulcans had to meditate for an extra hour or two just to contain their rage
This is the sci fi equivalent to that post about Gimli son of Gloin, the Stud of Erebor
aight fuckers I’m doing it I’m spending a full $4 to watch the first lotr movie, for the first time
so like I get, you know, power and malice and cruelty were ‘poured’ into the rings, but like. what did they actually put in those things. what fuckin gold gives a ring malice. why did the elves only get three.
holy shit it’s Agent Smith with pointy ears
this ring was made of weet-bix and nutri grain
it was in this moment, when all hope was lost, that issieldor-whoever took up his father’s sword –
I’M SORRY BUT I’M LAUGHING THE RING GIVES THE BIG BAD GUY LIKE DARK MAGIC AND A DEMON ARMY TO CONTROL BUT EESEELDOOR PUTS IT ON AND HE JUST TURNS INVISIBLE
holy shit I just experienced seven and a half minutes of introductory exposition by a mysterious lady who apparently thinks VERY little of hobbits
omg is this WHOLE movie exposition
it has been remarked by some that a hobbit’s only real passion
is for food
FOOD
a wizard is never late
says Ian McKellan, wishing he was Julie Andrews, Queen of Genovia
I know absolutely nothing about either of these two but I already fucking love their relationship it’s beautiful
OH SO BILBO’S THE FUCK THAT CAUSED ALL THOSE JUMP SCARES
oh shit son he’s got the ring and the golem voice
okay so that’s pretty fucking cute
apparently every hobbit has an instinctual urge to hug Ian McKellen and honestly? same
holy shit guys I’m not even 20 minutes in I’m gonna have to make multiple posts
¯_(ツ)_/¯ 
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