y’all remember boromir? that wild son of a gun loved
he lo
sorry i’m crying he loved
pip and merry and he gave his life for them
me, looking at the current state of the world, crying:I wish none of this had happened…
Gandalf, materialising in my conscience, smiling kindly: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other forces at work in this world, besides the will of evil.
I pretend to be complex and clever but in reality, nothing has ever made me laugh harder than those bad Chinese subtitles from the bootleg Lord of the Rings DVDs. Tears streaming down my face, core aching, slowly suffocating because I’m laughing too hard.
also (because one can never have too many of these)
and my personal favorite:
I somehow forgot to add my own favorite, which is this one:
I also appreciate the ones that really change the tone and suggest that the characters openly loathe each other…
Update: Legolas’ pupils are about 3.5 cm wide each. Now drawing kawaii Legolas on physics assignment.
And they told you science was no fun.
Science!
I’m going to do it. I’m going to hand it in.
Legolas’s pupil size isn’t the problem here, though. 5 leagues is 17.262 miles. The curvature of the Earth means that for a person of average height, the visual horizon is less than three miles away. Even if your vision is telescopic and the atmosphere is perfectly clear, you can’t see around the planet. If they were standing on a hill, it would have to be at LEAST 198 feet above sea level in order to see the horizon at 17.2 miles away, with nothing tall in between. Which, knowing Rohan, isn’t impossible.
But consider: Elven satellite eyeballs.
you mean like
@sidereanuncia it’s back, the post that I can only imagine haunts your nightmares
I shall never find peace.
Also, for what it’s worth, there’s absolutely no reason to believe that the curvature of Middle Earth is the same as that of Earth.
There’s no evidence that Middle Earth curves.
Yeah there is. The Silmarillion states that the world was curved after the fall of Numenor (I believe), preventing access to Valinor. But Elves (among others) can travel the straight path across it.
So middle earth is round, but not for Elves because magic.
So wait, the reason he can see that far is because Elves just have the ability to ignore the curve of the earth? That’s awesome. It also means that no matter how good your optics got, you would always want elf eyes manning the spyglass because they can see arbitrarily far while everybody else is limited by this ‘horizon’ bullshit.
Oh thank God, my poor elf prince has seen too much in this post
If you’ve read the Silmarillion, you know who Fëanor was. If you don’t, Fëanor was the dickhead who created the Silmarils: three indescribably beautiful and magical jewels that contained the light and essence of the world before it became flawed. They were the catalyst for basically every important thing that happened in the First Age of Middle Earth.
It is thought that the inspiration for the Silmarils came to Fëanor from the sight of Galadriel’s shining, silver-gold hair.
He begged her three times for single strand of her beautiful hair. And every time, Galadriel refused him. Even when she was young, Galadriel’s ability to see into other’s hearts was very strong, and she knew that Fëanor was filled with nothing but fire and greed.
Fast forward to the end of the Third Age.
Gimli, visiting Lorien, is also struck by Galadriel’s beauty. During the scene where she’s passing out her parting gifts to the Fellowship, Galadriel stops empty-handed in front of Gimli, because she doesn’t know what to offer a Dwarf. Gimli tells her: no gold, no treasure… just a single strand of hair to remember her beauty by.
She gives him three. Three.
And this is why Gimli gets to be an Elf Friend, people. Because Galadriel looks at him and thinks he deserves what she refused the greatest Elf who ever lived—- and then twice that. And because he has no idea of the significance of what she’s just given him, but he’s going to treasure it the rest of his life anyway.
Just look at that smile on Legolas’s face in the last panel. He gets it. He knows the backstory. And I’m pretty sure this is the moment he reconsiders whether Elves and Dwarves can’t be friends after all.
Everyone look at this great fucking post
There are posts and then there are posts
Not to mention that Gimli is super polite and bashful about it. He’s all “I’m not expecting you to give it, my lady, but you asked me to name what my heart desires, and I’d like one hair from your golden head but srsly, not expecting you to give it to me~” and like he’s just so sweet and adorable and shy and honestly I love that scene so much!!!
hi i’m tolkien here are my ocs. i call them Elves (not elfs!!! if you call them elfs i will block you) they look like humans but they’re tall, live forever, and have pointy ears. that’s it bye
cs lewis: are you alright with constructive criticism? i dont want to sound mean
tolkien: no go ahead i want to hear it
cs lewis: they fucking suck
tolkien: thats not constructive criticism
cs lewis: here’s my OC, it’s jesus but he’s a lion tolkien: Furry cs lewis: blocked
cs lewis: i put you in my book you’re a fairly significant character
tolkien: i based my tree OC off of you
tolkien: good fantasy can’t have things like street lamps in them it would’t make sense
There are n*zis on campus rn and a student brought out like a 1997 boombox and started blasting Taking The Hobbits to Isengard every time they tried to say something.
“Those who do not share our genes -THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS – THE MASTER RACE – TO ISENGARD TO ISENGARD – AND I BELIEVE –
THE HOBBITS THE HOBBITS THE-”
Okay I just finished reading Two Towers so you know what that means: time for me to drink a whole bottle of wine and liveblog the movie. If you’re not in the market for three hours of my drunk and idiotic commentary clogging your dashboard, now’s the time block this tag.
Was the first like five minutes of this movie provided by the New Zealand Tourism Board?
Boromir’s dramatic slow motion double-take is the best part of this flashback
Shoutout to Sean Astin for being the only actor in this franchise who doesn’t feel compelled to roll his Rs like he’s in a Dos Equis commercial every time he says the word “Mordor”
I should have started a running tally of how many times Frodo falls on his ass at the beginning of Fellowship
Is it just me or does Gimli have a pot leaf on the crest of his helmet?
THEY’RE TAKING THE HOBBITS TO ISENGARD 🎶 TO ISENGARD 🎶 TO ISENGARD!!!
I’m sorry but Éomer has the sexiest armor? Like Karl Urban on a horse in red leather was the best thing that ever happened to teenage me
Gotta love how Treebeard just strides around for half the movie double-fisting hobbits like a frat star with a couple of Solo cups
Of course Gimli’s first instinct when he finds a mysterious sticky black substance on a leaf is to PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH, Jesus Gimli you’re like a toddler I swear to Numenor
Shadowfax’s majestic slo-mo entrance is basically Baywatch but with a horse
Why is Théoden such a dick in the movies? Like did the writers go “What with Orthanc and Barad-dûr there’s really not enough conflict or anything so let’s just make Théoden kind of an asshole”
The bizarre Sam-Frodo-Sméagol-Gollum love quadrangle is a hell of a lot funnier if instead of Gollum you just imagine Andy Serkis in a beige unitard
Did I ever tell you guys about that time my brother had a bunch of friends sleep over and my mom asked me to go wake them up in the morning but didn’t specify how so what I did was go down in the basement and blast that scene where the orcs all start howling and shrieking and banging their weapons on the ground outside Helm’s Deep through the surround sound system? Let me just tell you, if you’ve never watched five teenage boys who think they’re really cool literally fall out of bed in their boxers screaming in terror, it’s a memory you’ll cherish forever
Okay for some reason they also made Faramir approximately 100x more of a dickbiscuit than he is in the books, like in the books when Frodo finally admits he has the ring Faramir’s just like “Dude you literally couldn’t pay me to take that off your hands”
Ah yes, Lord of the Rings Part II, also known as Really Dramatic Shots of Viggo Mortensen Being Dirty, Riding Horses, and Opening Doors
If you really want to have a laugh, find that scene where Théoden’s bragging about his Hornberg and just watch Orlando Bloom’s face in the background because the eyebrow game is STRONG
“THEN I SHALL DIE AS ONE OF THEM” okay maybe not the *best* time to suddenly switch back into English
Jfc I completely forgot about Théoden’s Hamlet moment… Who am I, Gamling? WHAT am I????
Yaaassss here we go with the Olympic Orc Torch
I think skateboarding Legolas is where the creative team officially stopped caring about being taken at all seriously
The helmets on the Gondorian soldiers are so fucking stupid, like are the points on top supposed to be there so you can headbutt a bitch in a pinch?
Sometimes when I’m just out and about I like to look up at the sky and scream NAZGUUUUL just to see what people do
OH MY GOD IT’S THE LONE RANGER no wait sorry that’s just Gandalf
We’ve arrived at Frodo’s Poltergeist moment: THEY’RE HEEEEEERE
I think I missed my calling as a LOTR actor, because it flawlessly combines three things I excel at: riding horses, hitting stuff, and talking like a pretentious twat
And with that, I am done… If you’re still following me for some reason, thanks for your patience and look forward to Return of the King in a few days’ time
¯_(ツ)_/¯ 
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